The rider being the responsible one and the elephant being the emotional one plays out daily in my life it seems. At work I feel that I am the rider. After 14 years of being a teacher I have had to learn to leave the elephant behind and be the rider. I have learned to grow a back bone and say No at times and not sugar coat things but yet do it with empathy and tact like when dealing with a parent. Yet I still have my elephant in the room as working in Kindergarten you have to be able to have those emotional moments and their little bodies bring out the elephant in you. The same is true at home where I probably am more the opposite. I am worn by evening when I get home and my flexibility is gone so my emotional side ends up taking over 9 times out of 10 and my kids can bring out the worst in me LOL.
What struck me about the Elephant and the Rider is their size and the analogy of the Rider (logic) attempting to control the Elephant (emotion). My elephant goes into hibernation at times, and then, just like the explanation in the book, it’s forefront and in total control. It really aggravates me when I don’t use any logic at all! Like Amy, I am more the Rider at school than at home. I guess that goes along with attempting to be ‘professional’ at school and using all my self-control. Then, at home I can relax. Stopping smoking was tough and took more than one try. But, I think maintaining my weight is even harder than stopping smoking. It’s a life-long battle and I refuse to give in to emotions. Last year I had a pity part for myself and no one came so I had to eat all the treats myself! Just doesn’t work well for losing/keeping off weight.
As a teacher, I am torn between how the elephant impacts me and my rider. I am a logical planner when it comes to work. I am see the bigger picture and can head down the path to get it done. My elephant gets in the way because I hate conflict or for people to have upset feelings. I have a constant feeling of walking on eggshells and wondering how I can make people feel better.
At home, I don't think my elephant comes into light as much as my rider takes charge. This is in most areas, except my relationship with my in-laws. It is all elephant driven there. Probably to the point of being a tad ridiculous...at least that is what my husband says!
I feel that in my own life, I am constantly torn between the rider (logic) and the elephant (emotion). My husband is always giving me grief about him being the logical one. I think that I sometimes overanalyze small things and sometimes just go with some of the bigger things. I tend to be kind-of emotional and my elephant has guided several of my decisions when my rider should have been the one to decide. I think that finding a balance between those two is important...maybe that's why I have always thought that change was hard and scary.
At school; however, I feel like I have a better balance between the two. I don't tend to overanalyze situations at school, and I definitely don't let my emotions make decisions for me. I think that when I am handed a sticky situation at school I am able to make the best decision possible for the student to help him be successful. I have learned though my years of teaching that I can't let other people walk all over me and I can be too strict and stiff with students, other teachers, or parents.
The study about only having so much self-control or the rider only being able to control the elephant for a period of time spoke to me. Often at the end of the day I find I have less patience than I would like to have. This is especially true after a day with more stress and rush than usual.
When thinking about conflict between the two, I think of times when I have been ranting and raving about something. My rider is telling me this makes no sense and will not solve the problem, but my elephant keeps charging ahead.
In my professional life, I feel I have a good balance between the Elephant and the Rider. I usually see the long-term goal and definitely plan, while also showing compassion and loyalty. At work, I do not have difficulty getting things done. At home, I tend to see more of the Elephant come out. I do experience conflict between the Elephant and the Rider when making decisions about my personal life and handling situations with my children. I will sometimes react to situations using the Elephant (emotions) without thinking and analyzing (the Rider), Then at other times I definitely overanalyze. I try to remind myself to keep the Rider in my head so the Elephant does not make rash decisions. Because of experiences I have lived through, I almost always have the struggle between the two when dealing with personal relationships. I definitely do not get as many things accomplished at home during a day as I do at work.
Personally, I feel that I am constantly balancing between my rider and my elephant. Life itself gives situations that require thought and heart. It is hard to be vested into anything without one or the other. I relate to the struggle of controlling the elephant and how it wears on the rider... many times I have broken down, with no choice but to let the elephant take control. Afterwards, it is like my rider is rested and ready to take over again. I try to always think before I act and truly force my rider to maintain control in most situations. However, there will always be times when I am unable to choose who takes control, for I am still learning and maturing. It is good to have a conscious about the elephant and rider to better understand the struggle between heart and mind. It is one of the biggest fights we are in and it is against ourselves.
I am so the rider when it comes to getting things accomplished. I see the end results and I plan for the worst. I like to be in control and when I am not that is when the elephant comes out. I get so emotional at times that it does not make sense. I think that is when I shut down and all logic is out the window. In this job I am learning how to balance both because they fight (to say). I want everything organized but my feelings sometimes take over which I don't like. I like to be in control and I don't like to feel helpless.
For some reason as I am typing it freezes. To finish my thought I would say special education is a roller coster and I do love them but I would enjoy a smooth sailing some days. I hope everyone is enjoying their school year and hope by the end of this blog I have ideas and strategies that will help me in my career.
I see now how I work to balance the two during the day at my job, but also how I struggle with the two areas. My emotions are a big part of what I do. I want to help people and I want to fix things. Whether I am in an IEP meeting listening to a mother talk about her love for her child and how she wants to get them help or in a counseling session with a teenager who is struggling to find balance and happiness in their life. My emotions want me to fix everything for them and make it okay. Then my Rider, who is definitely smaller than my Elephant, begins to take over and make my thoughts more rational and help me to devise a "Path" to help who I am working with.
My Elephant and Rider definitely have conflict, especially after a taxing day at work or when I am tired and want to "shut down". I see this more at home where I have a stronger emotional attachment to my family. My Rider is harder to bring out at home when I am juggling a career, 3 children, housework, laundry, paying bills, and being a "football widow".
In my life, I feel that I am the rider-have lots of ideas, but don't seem to always have the time to complete everything. I think of things to do for kids in my job, but don't always have to time to get it done when I want it done-I end up stressed and wish I had more time in my day!!
The Rider shows up more at work when I am teaching. Sometimes it seems I don’t have the energy at home to keep the rider going and the Elephant takes over. The Elephant does show up when I’m working with a student who needs a little “extra” but after working with young people in 4-H, youth group and now teaching I guard the Elephant just a bit.
Exercising and losing weight definitely brings out the conflict between my Rider and my Elephant. Four years ago I was in the habit of walking a mile to a mile and a half every morning. I lived on a safe road to walk early in the morning and I didn’t have to be at work until 8:30. My boys were home to do “chores”. Then boys graduated to college, and I changed jobs. Now I had to be at work at 7:45 and couldn’t walk in the mornings for 9 months. Then I moved closer and resumed walking for a while. But, with chores and additional responsibilities it was easier to skip the walking. I found it very interesting to read Chapter 1 and find out that my Elephant being exhausted (change in routine, loss of a loved one, change in jobs) made it difficult to stay on track. My Rider does a better job of being logical (at home and at school) when I am well rested and feel supported by family and friends.
I feel both the rider and elephant have a role in my life. I feel that my rider is in control most of the time, but sometimes my emotions get the best of me and the elephant takes control. I do have a hard time not ‘sugar coating’ things for parents when I have negative things to say. It is something I am working on. Like others have mentioned, my rider is in more control at work, then at home my elephant takes over. It’s easier to be more emotionally driven around your significant other.
I can empathize with Dana. I also have lots of great ideas to complete for my kids at work, but I don’t have the time to get them done! I also feel stressed and feel like I’m not doing as good of a job and I could be doing because I don’t have enough time in my day.
Help me! My elephant has taken over! I see my elephant clearly when it comes to issues of eating and dieting. Over the years, my rider has made many great diet plans. I have made charts, written down what I eat, counted points and calories, drank shakes, taken pills – you name it. My elephant has won over each time and I go back to my usual routine. Funny, how in my work and with my family, my rider flies right most of the time! Just dieting and eating right! Darn elephant!
I definitely have a hard time balancing between my rider and my elephant! Anyone who knows me knows I'm a very emotional person. I am invested in my job, family, and pretty much everything I do - emotionally. It can make life very stressful sometimes. In emergency situations the rider certainly takes over, but I more likely than not have a melt down later. I sometimes have a hard time at work because I want what is best for our students and when decisions are made that are not perhaps the best thing, it tears me apart. It takes a good while for me to just move on and "do my job."
My Rider is quite in control at school when teaching / preparing. I just "keep on keeping on" when I am at school to get the job done. My elephant takes over quite often at home. As the chapter pointed out - "self - supervision is exhausting. It is difficult to keep the elephant on the road long enough to reach the destination."
I like to think that the rider is way more in control than the elephant, but my emotions rule. Mostly it works for me. I love the emotional aspect of relationships with kids and adults at school. In a situation where the rider has to be in control, perhaps in a way that is very contrary to the elephant way, exhaustion sets in easily and I can hold it together at school, but fall apart at home. I hope by the end of the book I will learn how to balance the rider and the elephant.
As I think about the roles of the elephant and rider in my life I just have to chuckle. I'm such an emotional person that the elephant is often in the lead in my life. When I made the change from the regular classroom to special ed this year my elephant was definitely taking the lead when school started. I wanted to make everyone happy and mend a situation that had happened in the past but quickly realized my logic had to take charge and lead the way sometimes. I cannot fix everything and I will not make everyone ahoy but I have to do what is best for the kids I work with while they are at school with me. It is taking time but I think as I am learning my new role at school this year I am also learning and creating a new balance between my elephant and rider and this is a balance I can handle.
I don't know that I have a great balance between my rider and elephant but I think that as I have gotten older, I have learned when to draw upon each as well as when to calm each. My elephant is the reason I chose this profession and also the reason I continue to love my job..... I love my students, I love helping each child develop speech and language skills, to empower them to communicate. And I must admit, there are times that I feel so strongly for what a child needs or what "I" think a parent should be doing that I tend to become the elephant. However, I work with a great group of ECSE teachers that have helped me developing my "riding" skills. When working in homes where you don't have control, you really have to meet the family where they are and try to move them forward...maybe not the direction I would like to take.... but moving forward nonetheless. With regards to the "rider, I love when teachers/parents pick my brain for advice, thoughts, knowledge about a topic or student. It's at those times that I see the rider in me come out!
I have a pretty good balance between the two, most of the time. Of course when it is that time of the month the elephant definitely takes control!!! I also have a tendency to let my elephant take control when it comes my 2 children. However when my 16 year old daughter's elephant is out of control and stampeding all over the place my rider has to emerge to (try) keep everything in check. When working with adults I have a tendency to be more of rider. Probably because I feel they are adults and possess the capability to be responsible and do what is expected without a lot of cajoling from me. When I am facing projects or deadlines the rider is the dominant force. That is necessary- it keeps me focused so I can accomplish the task at hand. Of course the elephant is also necessary- that is what helps me relax and unwind. I can definitely see the difference between the two and it makes more sense in working with others to appeal to both in order to obtain greater efficiency.
I am definitely more like the rider when I'm at work. I feel I'm more responsible and goal oriented at work than at home. When at home the elephant tends to take over and I get relaxed on picking up the house and stuff because I have a little girl that wants to play Barbie or a boy that needs someone to play Madden with him. The major drawback to being the rider mainly at work and the elephant mainly at home is on those days that I am very stressed or busy by the time I get home my patience is gone and I find myself not having much for my own children.
I guess I use both the rider (reason) and elephant (emotion) when I need them. My rider side is usually in force to keep me going and getting what I need to done. However, my elephant can come out in full force. It was what motivated me to go back to college a 2nd and 3rd time to become better. It is also the reason I love teaching and got into the profession in the first place. I think for me I don't always think about which one I am using I go with what works for me at the time.
The rider being the responsible one and the elephant being the emotional one plays out daily in my life it seems. At work I feel that I am the rider. After 14 years of being a teacher I have had to learn to leave the elephant behind and be the rider. I have learned to grow a back bone and say No at times and not sugar coat things but yet do it with empathy and tact like when dealing with a parent. Yet I still have my elephant in the room as working in Kindergarten you have to be able to have those emotional moments and their little bodies bring out the elephant in you. The same is true at home where I probably am more the opposite. I am worn by evening when I get home and my flexibility is gone so my emotional side ends up taking over 9 times out of 10 and my kids can bring out the worst in me LOL.
ReplyDeleteWhat struck me about the Elephant and the Rider is their size and the analogy of the Rider (logic) attempting to control the Elephant (emotion). My elephant goes into hibernation at times, and then, just like the explanation in the book, it’s forefront and in total control. It really aggravates me when I don’t use any logic at all! Like Amy, I am more the Rider at school than at home. I guess that goes along with attempting to be ‘professional’ at school and using all my self-control. Then, at home I can relax.
ReplyDeleteStopping smoking was tough and took more than one try. But, I think maintaining my weight is even harder than stopping smoking. It’s a life-long battle and I refuse to give in to emotions. Last year I had a pity part for myself and no one came so I had to eat all the treats myself! Just doesn’t work well for losing/keeping off weight.
As a teacher, I am torn between how the elephant impacts me and my rider. I am a logical planner when it comes to work. I am see the bigger picture and can head down the path to get it done. My elephant gets in the way because I hate conflict or for people to have upset feelings. I have a constant feeling of walking on eggshells and wondering how I can make people feel better.
ReplyDeleteAt home, I don't think my elephant comes into light as much as my rider takes charge. This is in most areas, except my relationship with my in-laws. It is all elephant driven there. Probably to the point of being a tad ridiculous...at least that is what my husband says!
I feel that in my own life, I am constantly torn between the rider (logic) and the elephant (emotion). My husband is always giving me grief about him being the logical one. I think that I sometimes overanalyze small things and sometimes just go with some of the bigger things. I tend to be kind-of emotional and my elephant has guided several of my decisions when my rider should have been the one to decide. I think that finding a balance between those two is important...maybe that's why I have always thought that change was hard and scary.
ReplyDeleteAt school; however, I feel like I have a better balance between the two. I don't tend to overanalyze situations at school, and I definitely don't let my emotions make decisions for me. I think that when I am handed a sticky situation at school I am able to make the best decision possible for the student to help him be successful. I have learned though my years of teaching that I can't let other people walk all over me and I can be too strict and stiff with students, other teachers, or parents.
The study about only having so much self-control or the rider only being able to control the elephant for a period of time spoke to me. Often at the end of the day I find I have less patience than I would like to have. This is especially true after a day with more stress and rush than usual.
ReplyDeleteWhen thinking about conflict between the two, I think of times when I have been ranting and raving about something. My rider is telling me this makes no sense and will not solve the problem, but my elephant keeps charging ahead.
In my professional life, I feel I have a good balance between the Elephant and the Rider. I usually see the long-term goal and definitely plan, while also showing compassion and loyalty. At work, I do not have difficulty getting things done. At home, I tend to see more of the Elephant come out. I do experience conflict between the Elephant and the Rider when making decisions about my personal life and handling situations with my children. I will sometimes react to situations using the Elephant (emotions) without thinking and analyzing (the Rider), Then at other times I definitely overanalyze. I try to remind myself to keep the Rider in my head so the Elephant does not make rash decisions. Because of experiences I have lived through, I almost always have the struggle between the two when dealing with personal relationships. I definitely do not get as many things accomplished at home during a day as I do at work.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I feel that I am constantly balancing between my rider and my elephant. Life itself gives situations that require thought and heart. It is hard to be vested into anything without one or the other. I relate to the struggle of controlling the elephant and how it wears on the rider... many times I have broken down, with no choice but to let the elephant take control. Afterwards, it is like my rider is rested and ready to take over again. I try to always think before I act and truly force my rider to maintain control in most situations. However, there will always be times when I am unable to choose who takes control, for I am still learning and maturing. It is good to have a conscious about the elephant and rider to better understand the struggle between heart and mind. It is one of the biggest fights we are in and it is against ourselves.
ReplyDeleteI am so the rider when it comes to getting things accomplished. I see the end results and I plan for the worst. I like to be in control and when I am not that is when the elephant comes out. I get so emotional at times that it does not make sense. I think that is when I shut down and all logic is out the window. In this job I am learning how to balance both because they fight (to say). I want everything organized but my feelings sometimes take over which I don't like. I like to be in control and I don't like to feel helpless.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason as I am typing it freezes. To finish my thought I would say special education is a roller coster and I do love them but I would enjoy a smooth sailing some days. I hope everyone is enjoying their school year and hope by the end of this blog I have ideas and strategies that will help me in my career.
DeleteI see now how I work to balance the two during the day at my job, but also how I struggle with the two areas. My emotions are a big part of what I do. I want to help people and I want to fix things. Whether I am in an IEP meeting listening to a mother talk about her love for her child and how she wants to get them help or in a counseling session with a teenager who is struggling to find balance and happiness in their life. My emotions want me to fix everything for them and make it okay. Then my Rider, who is definitely smaller than my Elephant, begins to take over and make my thoughts more rational and help me to devise a "Path" to help who I am working with.
ReplyDeleteMy Elephant and Rider definitely have conflict, especially after a taxing day at work or when I am tired and want to "shut down". I see this more at home where I have a stronger emotional attachment to my family. My Rider is harder to bring out at home when I am juggling a career, 3 children, housework, laundry, paying bills, and being a "football widow".
In my life, I feel that I am the rider-have lots of ideas, but don't seem to always have the time to complete everything. I think of things to do for kids in my job, but don't always have to time to get it done when I want it done-I end up stressed and wish I had more time in my day!!
ReplyDeleteThe Rider shows up more at work when I am teaching. Sometimes it seems I don’t have the energy at home to keep the rider going and the Elephant takes over. The Elephant does show up when I’m working with a student who needs a little “extra” but after working with young people in 4-H, youth group and now teaching I guard the Elephant just a bit.
ReplyDeleteExercising and losing weight definitely brings out the conflict between my Rider and my Elephant. Four years ago I was in the habit of walking a mile to a mile and a half every morning. I lived on a safe road to walk early in the morning and I didn’t have to be at work until 8:30. My boys were home to do “chores”. Then boys graduated to college, and I changed jobs. Now I had to be at work at 7:45 and couldn’t walk in the mornings for 9 months. Then I moved closer and resumed walking for a while. But, with chores and additional responsibilities it was easier to skip the walking. I found it very interesting to read Chapter 1 and find out that my Elephant being exhausted (change in routine, loss of a loved one, change in jobs) made it difficult to stay on track.
My Rider does a better job of being logical (at home and at school) when I am well rested and feel supported by family and friends.
I feel both the rider and elephant have a role in my life. I feel that my rider is in control most of the time, but sometimes my emotions get the best of me and the elephant takes control. I do have a hard time not ‘sugar coating’ things for parents when I have negative things to say. It is something I am working on. Like others have mentioned, my rider is in more control at work, then at home my elephant takes over. It’s easier to be more emotionally driven around your significant other.
ReplyDeleteI can empathize with Dana. I also have lots of great ideas to complete for my kids at work, but I don’t have the time to get them done! I also feel stressed and feel like I’m not doing as good of a job and I could be doing because I don’t have enough time in my day.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHelp me! My elephant has taken over! I see my elephant clearly when it comes to issues of eating and dieting. Over the years, my rider has made many great diet plans. I have made charts, written down what I eat, counted points and calories, drank shakes, taken pills – you name it. My elephant has won over each time and I go back to my usual routine. Funny, how in my work and with my family, my rider flies right most of the time! Just dieting and eating right! Darn elephant!
DeleteI definitely have a hard time balancing between my rider and my elephant! Anyone who knows me knows I'm a very emotional person. I am invested in my job, family, and pretty much everything I do - emotionally. It can make life very stressful sometimes. In emergency situations the rider certainly takes over, but I more likely than not have a melt down later. I sometimes have a hard time at work because I want what is best for our students and when decisions are made that are not perhaps the best thing, it tears me apart. It takes a good while for me to just move on and "do my job."
ReplyDeleteMy Rider is quite in control at school when teaching / preparing. I just "keep on keeping on" when I am at school to get the job done. My elephant takes over quite often at home. As the chapter pointed out - "self - supervision is exhausting. It is difficult to keep the elephant on the road long enough to reach the destination."
ReplyDeleteI like to think that the rider is way more in control than the elephant, but my emotions rule. Mostly it works for me. I love the emotional aspect of relationships with kids and adults at school. In a situation where the rider has to be in control, perhaps in a way that is very contrary to the elephant way, exhaustion sets in easily and I can hold it together at school, but fall apart at home. I hope by the end of the book I will learn how to balance the rider and the elephant.
ReplyDeleteAs I think about the roles of the elephant and rider in my life I just have to chuckle. I'm such an emotional person that the elephant is often in the lead in my life. When I made the change from the regular classroom to special ed this year my elephant was definitely taking the lead when school started. I wanted to make everyone happy and mend a situation that had happened in the past but quickly realized my logic had to take charge and lead the way sometimes. I cannot fix everything and I will not make everyone ahoy but I have to do what is best for the kids I work with while they are at school with me. It is taking time but I think as I am learning my new role at school this year I am also learning and creating a new balance between my elephant and rider and this is a balance I can handle.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteI don't know that I have a great balance between my rider and elephant but I think that as I have gotten older, I have learned when to draw upon each as well as when to calm each. My elephant is the reason I chose this profession and also the reason I continue to love my job..... I love my students, I love helping each child develop speech and language skills, to empower them to communicate. And I must admit, there are times that I feel so strongly for what a child needs or what "I" think a parent should be doing that I tend to become the elephant. However, I work with a great group of ECSE teachers that have helped me developing my "riding" skills. When working in homes where you don't have control, you really have to meet the family where they are and try to move them forward...maybe not the direction I would like to take.... but moving forward nonetheless. With regards to the "rider, I love when teachers/parents pick my brain for advice, thoughts, knowledge about a topic or student. It's at those times that I see the rider in me come out!
ReplyDeleteI have a pretty good balance between the two, most of the time. Of course when it is that time of the month the elephant definitely takes control!!! I also have a tendency to let my elephant take control when it comes my 2 children. However when my 16 year old daughter's elephant is out of control and stampeding all over the place my rider has to emerge to (try) keep everything in check. When working with adults I have a tendency to be more of rider. Probably because I feel they are adults and possess the capability to be responsible and do what is expected without a lot of cajoling from me. When I am facing projects or deadlines the rider is the dominant force. That is necessary- it keeps me focused so I can accomplish the task at hand. Of course the elephant is also necessary- that is what helps me relax and unwind. I can definitely see the difference between the two and it makes more sense in working with others to appeal to both in order to obtain greater efficiency.
ReplyDeleteI am definitely more like the rider when I'm at work. I feel I'm more responsible and goal oriented at work than at home. When at home the elephant tends to take over and I get relaxed on picking up the house and stuff because I have a little girl that wants to play Barbie or a boy that needs someone to play Madden with him. The major drawback to being the rider mainly at work and the elephant mainly at home is on those days that I am very stressed or busy by the time I get home my patience is gone and I find myself not having much for my own children.
ReplyDeleteI guess I use both the rider (reason) and elephant (emotion) when I need them. My rider side is usually in force to keep me going and getting what I need to done. However, my elephant can come out in full force. It was what motivated me to go back to college a 2nd and 3rd time to become better. It is also the reason I love teaching and got into the profession in the first place. I think for me I don't always think about which one I am using I go with what works for me at the time.
ReplyDelete