9.
Marriage therapist Michele Weiner-Davis, a solutions
focused therapist, didn’t try to get George and
Paula
(in Chapter 6) to understand the root causes of
their
emotional distance from each other. She didn’t
analyze
their childhood relationships with their
parents. Instead,
she asked them to change one small way in which
they
interacted. One morning, George gave Paula a
kiss, which
launched a positive spiral of change.
In your
life, have you experienced times when a seemingly
small act led
to big change?
Have you experienced the
“snowballing”aspect of change, in which one change leads to
another which leads to another?
I have been thinking about this for a while, and it's taken me a long time to come up with something positive snowballing. It is much easier to think of negative things in life and how they just keep getting worse as time goes on. I guess this is just part of human nature, having the negative thoughts overpowering the positive ones.
ReplyDeleteMy father in law was diagnosed with a brain tumor this summer. It is stage 4, inoperable, and terminal. A few people in our community decided to throw a fundraiser for him, they arranged for a local caterer (who is very well known in the area for awesome BBQ) and someone else asked a group of people to make homemade pies (which were delicious!). They also held an auction. People within the community and from far away donated many goods; from toys to homemade wooden chairs to chemicals to spray on fields. Because of the caterer, homemade pies, and plethora of donated items for the auction, many people came to the fundraiser and made it a great success. Approximately 700-750 plates were served that night. My husband's family couldn't have been more humbled and gracious for the generosity shown by our community and those from afar.
What a wonderful example! Thank you for sharing. My prayers for your family.
ReplyDeleteI have seen this with students. I used to use Solution Focused Counseling with students when I was a School Psych. The best part about it was I got the student looking at their problems like they were solvable. We found exceptions to when the problem was not the problem and looked for any signs that things were better.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of Solution Focused Therapy that Shelly used. However, since I’m not a therapist, I can’t do that. But, I can impact students and hope things snowball. Sometimes just something as little as a friendly greeting when a student walks into a classroom can change their attitude for a while. Last year I used the 8 to Great ‘thankfuls’ with all of my students. I was really targeting one young lady. In the beginning they were difficult for her to do, but by the end of the first semester, she came in daily with three things she could write that were good in her life. It did snowball, since I saw her first thing in the morning, it set the mood for her to have a better day!
ReplyDeleteWhen football season begins (my husband is the head coach), our household is turned upside down! The kids miss seeing their daddy every day and I miss having my husband to help parent the kids and support me. We struggle to get all the homework done, dinner made, baths taken, etc. I noticed that our schedule was out of whack. We didn't sit down at the table for dinner and we had no "rhythm". So, I made a rule that even if Clint isn't home, we were still going to sit down together and talk about our day. What a huge difference this has made. Instead of making four different meals and eating at different times, we sit down together and share about our day. It has put our schedule back on track and allowed some normalcy again!
ReplyDeleteYears ago I had a student who had never met an AR goal, he was in 6th grade when I got him. He was so discouraged that he did not even want to try anymore and I do not blame him! He had been doing AR since 1st grade and by the time he got to me he did not see one positive thing about it. I talked to his teacher and we set his AR goal very low, just a few points. I closely monitored what he read and we reviewed each book before he took the AR test. In 6th grade he met his AR goal for the first time ever!! He was so pumped up, he wanted to increase his point goal way more than I was comfortable with, I actually had to slow him down and encourage him to keep his goal obtainable. Each 9 weeks he kept his point goal at a low, but at a challenging level, and increased it by 1-2 points each time. For the remainder of middle school he always met his AR goal. A very small victory of meeting a 3 point AR goal snowballed into him eventually meeting a 5 point goal, then a 7 point goal, then a 10 point, and then a 12 point goal. Baby steps are extremely important, anyone in AA will tell you that! Celebrate the small victories, they give you confidence to conquer the bigger ones!
ReplyDeleteI belong to a bible study group called the "Hands of Christ" where we attempt to provide help to those in need. We meet once a month, study a bible passage related to helping others and then talk about those in our community who are experiencing tough times. Sometimes the situation seems overwhelming and everyone is quiet when asked "what can we do?" Usually one person will say "I can do...." That seems to start the snowball rolling and someone else will volunteer to help or add to it. It in short time many people agree to one small task that leads to a positive outcome for those in need.
ReplyDeleteA few years ago when I was working with a student as the ATECH Consultant I watched the snowballing affect occur. This was a young lady who as a middle school student became visually impaired and as one of the consultants said it is like going through the grieving process after a death, she was a mess. She had a dislike for everyone and everything that came into her world to try and help her at that time. When she became a Freshman she was very much a different girl. Leaving the middle school and going to the high school was like leaving part of her past behind she was able to overcome some of those negative feelings and leave them back. She was more open to trying things. The vision specialist and I had tried for 3 years to encourage her and her folks to send her to ATECH camp in Wichita to learn about things that could help her to become independent but she had always refused. During her Freshman year the high school principal worked with us to help encourage her about going. Mrs. Turner sat this student down and talked to her and her mom about going to camp and all the positive things it could do for her. She told her she didn’t want an answer that day she wanted her to think about it for a week and she would ask her for her answer on the following Monday. The rest of the staff involved along with mom was asked to NOT discuss this with her at all. When that Monday came the student was pulled into the office and asked for her decision. At first she was very quick to tell Mrs. Turner NO. So Mrs. Turner said Ok I respect that but there is one more step to this you have to write down your reasons why you do not want to go and give them to me by the end of the week. When the end of that week came and she was asked for her list she did not have one she had changed her mind That was the beginning of more of the snowball effect. She and I attended ATECH camp that summer for a week and she grew and changed and became such an independent child. From that time on you could see her going places in the community with her peers and no longer staying at home hiding from the world. She made friends that summer and went during the school year to activities with these kids from across the state. She even as her mom said became a TYPICAL teenager with a teenage attitude. It was a beautiful transformation and I can’t wait to watch her as she goes through her Senior year this year and see what is in store for her!
ReplyDeleteWhen I went through a Positive Behavior Support training a couple of years ago, one philosophy was that just letting students know you notice them can make a difference. When I walk into the building in the morning and students are heading to breakfast, I try to interact with as many as I can with a smile on my face: hi, thumbs up, good morning . I also try to give some physical attention to kids: pat on the back or head, high fives. I believe that this is something small I can do.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was teaching at a junior high, I got a few kids from the elementary school with "reputations" for bad behavior. I tried to treat these students as if they did not come with baggage--to give them a fresh start. Most of their classmates were aware of the student's reputation and watched how I treated this student. I tried to always err on the side of kindness and not be judgmental. Little kindnesses go a longway.
ReplyDeleteThis concept is a huge part in my life. I truly think that the smallest things can make the biggest difference! Having many great friends in my life, it is always a brighter morning when I can wake to a "good morning" text or call; some kind of notion that lets me know that I've been thought of. Thus, students benefit from the same simple acts. It is like the story of the student who only liked one class… because the teacher treated him like an individual. With a small change, the rest of the classes became more enjoyable. I think that this concept could be applied in many situations that are beneficial for students, as well as teachers. Recess is a huge one… I love to play tag, firemen, racing, and "minions" on the playground. I only have recess duty 1-2 times a week, but the kiddos really enjoy an adult to play with… and I really enjoy a chance to be young again!!!
ReplyDeleteI have tried it in the past but got busy and stopped saying what I was thankful for. After the in service that we went to in October I started it back up with my family and it really allowed us to look at what we are thankful for and only the positive. It really has allowed us to look for the good in everything even if are first response is a negative one. I have seen improvement in everyone's attitude. As a family we started looking for 3 positives throughout the day and share it after dinner.
ReplyDeleteMy girls 4-H group is really focused on the concept of "pass it on". During the month of November, we did a lot of fundraising to be able to have the funds needed to support this cause. Each month we have activities in place for our members to demonstrate an "act of kindness" to someone in our community. Last weekend, we cleaned up a yard for a widow who lives down the road from us. Her neighbor came out to see what we were doing and ended up bringing her rake....and called her grandchildren to also come and help. I try to instill this to my children...to love your enemies, to kill them with kindness. I think -wait, I know I could be a better example of this. So good to reflect on these small changes that are needed in our lives!
ReplyDeleteThis one has taken some thought and reflection! I can think of many examples where something negative has snowballed into something negative! But I kept trying to think of some classroom examples: the week before Thanksgiving one of my students whom we've been encouraging and working with for over a year had some "Hoorah" moments! At least four of us have been trying to encourage this student to focus on goals, the future and the fact that they can succeed. How fun to see that kick in.
ReplyDelete(Mary Schreck) - There was a regular visitor in our building that always looked so unhappy, wouldn't make eye contact, smile, etc. I made a point of speaking to her every time I saw her (small act). Over time, this person would speak and eventually now will often speak first. This person is a parent of two students that are on my caseload now. We have a very good working relationship (teacher/parent) as well as a professional one since she works in our building as a sub (snowball).
ReplyDeleteOur church went through a time of trying to find a new youth leader for our high school youth group. The lady that stepped up and took the position is a very positive and helpful person. She encouraged the kids to start helping more in the community. At first the kids were very reluctant. She worked and worked with them and now we see them helping many of the elderly citizens in our community - they haul their trash away, clean their yards, help with their grocery shopping, etc. They have really come out and started helping others within their community. This past weekend they did a live nativity scene for the community when it was 20 degrees out and a year a go they would have said no and refused to do anything like that. Her positive outlook on life has really influenced the way the kids interact with others.
ReplyDeleteI am with many people that this question has taken some thought. One thing my husband and I have been doing is sharing things we are greatful for everyday. Sometimes they are silly and make us laugh and sometimes more serious depending on things that may have happened the day prior or even that morning before we shared. In the short time we have been doing this I think it has lead us both to see what the other person finds important and looks forward to or looks for everyday. We talk more about little and I just think it has opened more lines of communication between us and it is something I look forward to sharing with him every morning.
ReplyDeleteI can also think of something at school that has lead to positive change. Last year I was in a regular classroom teaching kindergarten. I had one of my students in my classroom last year that I now have on my caseload. He is autistic and has many behaviors. When school started last year I wasn't sure of what to do with him and how to keep his behaviors in check and to keep him from falling asleep. The first thing I needed to do was to make a connection with him and figure out what made him tick, he loves anything the color red which was my first ticket! I made everything I possible could for him red, his folders, his name tag, pencils, anything that I could make red for him I did and that was an easy way for me to make a connection with him. I gained his trust and now he knows that he can come to me when he is upset or just needs a break from something. By making an effort to connect with him I have seen other changes occur during his day at school.
I'm thought about this one for awhile, and I was able to come up with one big thing personally that started out pretty small. A couple of years ago, I was at my sister's house and she mentioned to me that they had a friend that they wanted me to meet. I was a little irritated, but said fine...I'll be happy to meet him sometime. As it turns out, he was coming to their house that day, and so we met. It was a chance meeting...that led to an incredible friendship...that led to me picking up my life in Denver and moving back to southwest Kansas...that led to me marrying that man that I had become best friends with that I was more in love with then I ever thought was possible. It was such a small thing that ended up snowballing and changing my life and my children's lives for the positive. I look back on it now and think how amazing that was. The timing was perfect for our meeting. We worked so hard to make things amazing while we were apart that when we finally lived in the same town, it was absolutely perfect. I am so thankful for that one small change..........
ReplyDeleteI think for me something that started small for and snowballed has actually lead me to where I am now professionally. I had never really thought about teaching Special Education, but when the opportunity arose I interviewed and got a job teaching Special Ed. I love working in the Middle school I am at and working with the people I do. I can't imagine being anywhere else at this point. I guess one small interview lead to me moving and being where I am supposed to be.
ReplyDelete